Seriously, people: How lazy can you possibly be?

The pit where my 9 used to be

Yesterday a reporter for Cooper Discourse witnessed a pacific giant salamander rescued from this pit by one of the guys who was standing around watching the excavator do its thing. A lucky break for the largest terrestrial salamander in North America? Sort of. Its home was destroyed by the skate park project, but at least it escaped with its life, right?

Email FWD from someone who knows someone who knows someone who used to..... - Cooper D.


"For Immediate Release:

To raise funds for the Manila Dunes Disc Golf Course the Manila Community Center will be hosting its Annual Disc Golf Tournament on Saturday October 13 th at the Manila Community Park. Registration starts at 8:30 a.m. and tee off is at 10 a.m. This will be a random doubles tournament with 1st place prizes in four categories and every ace shot gets a prize also. There will be a raffle to follow. All the money raised will go back into the disc golf course to make much needed improvements. Please come out and support our fundraiser for the New Manila Disc Golf Course."

info: Luv_me_so@hotmail.com

R.I.P. Hole 9

A haiku in memory of the big pine:

Nine Pine hits the ground
With colorful splash of discs
Someone's lucky day

Ace hole 9 soon, or forever hold your peace.

This Way a Skate Park Comes

Email FWD:

"Exciting News!

We plan to break ground on the Eureka Skate Park on Wednesday,
September 19th, at 5:30pm, at Cooper Gulch Community Center.

A special THANK YOU! to Justin Zabel at Mercer Fraser and everyone
else on the construction team for making this important first step
happen. With their help, we plan to complete the site preparations
this fall - grading, adding compacted fill, and installing the
drainage system.

I look forward to seeing everyone on September 19th!


PS:
Let me know if you're interested in organizing food and refreshments
for this event.


Jeff Leonard
(707) XXX-XXXX
jtleonard@scif.com"

Break not the trees!

Ye who breaks trees to make the shot easier shall be cursed with a never ending string of bounce outs and double bogies.





If you can't handle some obstacles in the course, get the hell off of it and go play a video game or something.

Cooper Discourse staff strongly disapproves of the vandalism and destruction of natural features on our course. Be a good person. Step up to the challenge of throwing your disc around the trees. And leave the course cleaner than you found it.

Don't make me come over there...

Do you even know where you are?

So I find a disc sitting in the basket at hole 1. I figure I'll catch up to the owner at hole 4 and return it. Mmm. "Free Beer". Turns out the owner was not in the group ahead of me so I called the number...

Hello?
Hi. Is this (insert name here)?
Uuh. Yeah.
You missing a disc?
Uh. Yeah. Maybe. What kind?
It's a green Aero. It was sitting in the first basket here at Coopers.
What? NO WAY! I'm at Coopers right now! ...wait a minute... no I'm not. ...I'm at the river course.

Future arrangements will be made to return this dudes disc.

Camping at Coopers?

Cooper Gulch is home to many flora, fauna, lost drivers, and transient drifters.

Understandably, it's lush accomodations are far more beautiful, spacious, and private than the local homeless shelter. We're aware of the safety issues at the shelter, and if you're trying to stay clean, the shelter is the last place you want to be.

So, if you're planning to camp at Coopers, it helps to follow the Coopers Wilderness Guidelines.

1. Share the park. Not just with golfers, but with the families, joggers, dog walkers, and ball players. It's there more for them than campers, as you know, so a friendly attitude is always prudent.

2. Be cool. The Cooper crew will live and let live, as long as you do. Menacing your girlfriend will get the cops called on you. Twice. So, don't act all scary or be a chump.

3. Be discreet. Sleeping quietly in the bushes is one thing. Setting up camp down on the grass by the bleachers is another. Don't attract attention to yourself. This includes refraining from building a campfire. (Looking at you, #4 B-Position dudes with the sock-drying rack).

4. Be sober. If you can't be responsible for yourself, help is available.

5. Be clean. Tread lightly and remove your waste. There are garbage cans by the parking lot and by the tee of #7, so the Cooper Discourse editorial staff can't really see a reason not to use them.


The old-timers out by #2 and #4 know how to behave. Follow their example! Better still, improve the park. Pick up some trash, break up a fight, keep the riff-raff in line, help a rookie find a driver, whatever you can do. It might even feel good to do good.

Hopefully, the Coopers Wilderness Guidelines will not only enhance your camping experience, but also earn you respect and appreciation from those sharing the park with you.

What's under that disc?

This guy, "Cubby", has like 9 million aces under his belt ...but what is under the disc??! Look at his site and you'll see that he always poses the same. Or is he a cardboard cutout?�

You think you're hardcore?

Found this tat photo here.

natural in stinks

Well if your disc goes far off to the left at hole 4 you should be prepared.

As I approached to look for my disc, I realized that a guy was on the hill above the trail that goes up to 11th street. He had just stood up from his makeshift bed and was still working on pulling up his britches.


Having seen much more than I needed to see, I asked if he's noticed my disc landing in the vicinity?

"I didn't see it, but I felt it. It almost hit me!"

He pointed in the wrong direction, but it ended up being found no more than 5 feet from his makeshift pillow. Yeah. Needless to say my second shot was a bit hurried and not so great.

Turns out if you are sleeping in the Gulch and are almost maimed by a flying disc, the instinctual reaction is to drop your drawers and stand up.

Who knew?

Got grass?

A hearty thanks out to the lawnmowers. Keepin' the greens crispy and fairways friendly. Cooper Discourse smiles on the volunteers that maintain the course. Join them if you're feeling generous.

Good luck to all the Godesses in this weekend's Games.

The Recyclers

It's not uncommon to see people sifting through the trash cans at the Coop pulling out recyclables. More power to you folks, I say. Get a few bucks to make it through, and help out our wonderful world at the same time. I talked to one guy who comes through frequently in the evenings with his wife. They are the older than average Cooper couple who seem to be enjoying the job and wearing surgical gloves.

They are always very courteous about disturbing golfers on the tee. I once asked (assuming the guy was homeless or broke) how much he makes recycling. He told me that he has a day job and it isn't about the money. They just like to get out for a walk and help clean up.

Remember: When you assume, you make an asshole out of you and me. Or something like that.

One more thing: Folks, please use the trash cans!!! Don't litter the Gulch and give golfers a bad name. Better yet, pick up one piece of litter each time you smoke a bowl. Soon the place will be pristine. Let it be so.

Peace. -the pizza guy

Family Picnic @ hole 9

Although we all respect a peaceful family picnic, the fairway of hole 9 is probably not your best bet. We courteously warned the little family of this fact. However they did not choose to move. We skipped the last hole of our round. Hope that all worked out okay for them.

How'd you get that red stripe on your forehead?

Rumor has it that sleeping in the bushes of a disc golf course may result in the occasional Innova Roc to the face. That's a firm disc, as you may know.

Cooper Discourse acknowlegdes the many hazards of bush-dwelling, as did the bearded victim, apparently.

Who is this guy, anyway?

Everything's a dollar...

Cooper Folk

I wanted to share a couple stories about fun and interesting people I've met at Cooper. There are many, many unique personalities that frequent the park, so I've singled out some of the more memorable here...

First was the cookie guy. Ran into him at hole 4 one day. He had a tupperware container full of cookies and offered one to my buddy and I, yum. Turns out that they were special cookies. About two hours after I ate the delicious treat I was in a semi-coma on my couch, unable to even form a response to my wife's questions when she came home from a hard day at work. Luckily, I came out of it a couple hours later with little permanent damage. Don't take cookies from strangers, kids!

Next was Radio. While we were preparing to drive on hole 4, this guy walked up with a small handheld radio and 2/3 of a disc. After a drive that I have to admit being impressed with, considering he was disc challenged, he explained to us that we have to walk up to the disc break a stick, put it where the disc landed, do a little dance, and then take your next shot. Whatever, guy. We told him where the next tee was and sent him on his way. Guess who was still there when we got there!

Not sure what happened, but his radio was now on the tee, baterries spilled out, as if it had been thrown to the ground. Judging by the short, creekside spot where he was looking for his disc, I'm guessing that the 2/3 disc didn't go as far as he'd wanted. So what happens next? My buddy steps up and nails an ace! BAM! How ya' like me now? Goin' on feelin' strong...

Last we saw of Radio, he was carrying nasty, Cooper sludge covered logs up the fareway on hole 6 and disappearing into the woods. Maybe looking for that other 1/3 fo his disc.

Lastly, I'll tell you about the lovely wood nymph we ran into at (you guessed it!) hole 4. She was lying under the big tree, while a small boy played nearby. We yelled up to them that we were going to be throwing our discs in there general direction and they might want to move slightly to one side. "Ah, whatever..." she replied. Luckily the pin was in the B position, so we could just play through without too much worry. As we were all walking up to our drives the wood nymph turned into a tootless, drunk old hag and yelled out, "Hey, you're a fucking faggot arncha!" What could I do, but agree and keep walking. She spat out a few more lovely greeting, took one last swig of her high gravity beer and through the can at my buddy. What a nice old lady! Sure wish I could have had that kind of home life growing up.

Now that I've finally added something to this blog, I'm hoping that the drought of Cooper Folk, spanning my last few outings, will end. I miss all the freaky people!

Hole 5's Arc de Triomphe

Creekside prowess, as this "Johhny 5" stays alive.

Spring green

Don't lose track of where your disc goes this time of year.

4 is lucky on 4/20

So the dude (pictured further down the page with his ace on 8) goes ahead and aces hole 4 today. Also of note, I had quad fours during a poker game later on. Gary Coleman was there, too.
Whoa dude.

Watch it man, there's a beverage here!

Four Twenty

Yes, if your sextet gets literally lapped on a foursome's second round, you are moving quite slow, indeed. It must've been hard to stay upright as you looked for your lost drive on #7.

Yes, the stately drunk hag was there. "I don't want to be bit by your dog!", she protested, as though it was a scheduled event.

No, posting in your parked car with your tattoo-splattered roughneck friend doesn't make you look suspicious, so a mental note of your license plate wasn't taken.

The Ice Cream truck man would've banked a fortune this afternoon.

Catlike reflexes

A group had a lost disc on 9 the other day. After waiting for 5 minutes while they looked we called out and asked if we could throw in. They said go ahead. So Mr. Clean throws a rocket-like forehand and it's heading directly at one of the guys, who has gone back to looking at the ground.

FORE! !

He looks up a split second before speeding plastic connects with his man parts and with cat like reflexes leaps straight into the air, hurdling the disc. He indicated that he enjoyed the experience afterwards.

"Spanish is a dead language"

So a couple of weeks ago we overheard this drunk guy ranting to his companion that, "Spanish is a dead language." Wow!

In fact...

The Summer Institute for Linguistics (SIL) Ethnologue Survey (1999) lists the following as the top languages by population:
(number of native speakers in parentheses)

1. Chinese* (937,132,000)
2. Spanish (332,000,000)
3. English (322,000,000)
4. Bengali (189,000,000)
5. Hindi/Urdu (182,000,000)
6. Arabic* (174,950,000)
7. Portuguese (170,000,000)
8. Russian (170,000,000)
9. Japanese (125,000,000)
10. German (98,000,000)
11. French* (79,572,000)

Good Karma at the Gulch

A happy one to offset skulls and semi-domestic violence. This happened a while back-

On hole 7 one day I found a disc stuck up in one of the first trees. I called the # and returned it to its rightful owner, who was glad to have it back. He proceeded to win the $ ace pool $ with the very same disc on doubles night! When I saw him after he gave me 5 bucks. :)

Homeless violent dude

What about that red-headed dude who's always threating his girlfriend? They camp out by the fence near the basket of #3.

The cops know about them, have cited them repeatedly for illegal camping, and then they walk away. That girl's going to wind up in the hospital (or worse) one of these days if nobody does anything.

Can golfers as a whole do anything? Most of the campers are really mellow and friendly, but people like (what's his name) and those skull-kickers are giving the park a bad rap.

Ace on hole 8

I saw this guy throw a perfect backhand ace on hole 8 (short position). Very nice! It happened around the 1st of November, 2006, I think.

-Pizza Guy

Welcome to Cooper Gulch: The case of the muddy skull.

The week after I moved to Humboldt a partial human skull was found in the softball field. After playing a round and a half of golf with two buddies and leaving them at hole 3, I sent out the following email:

From: Pizza Guy
Subject: Nature's little frisbee
Date: January 30, 2006 10:56:46 AM PST
To: Long Arm

Hey Long Arm,
Did you guys check out that mysterious object on the way to hole #4 yesterday?
-Pizza Guy

From: Long Arm
Subject: re: Nature's little frisbee
Date: January 30, 2006 10:56:46 AM PST
To: Pizza Guy

On Jan 30, 2006, at 11:15 AM, Long Arm wrote:

We looked for it, but didn't see anything. We were looking near the fence/dugout area.....What was it?

Sorry I missed you at the course, but I saw a cool photo of a disc hung on a basket*.

-Long Arm

* my disc had somehow hit the outside edge of the basket and held on by the rim like a person clinging to the edge of a cliff!

From: Pizza Guy
Subject: ze: re: Nature's little frisbee
Date: January 30, 2006 10:56:46 AM PST
To: Long Arm

It looked to me like the top part of a human skull. I was hoping for a second opinion. Shawn reminded me that the course is on a graveyard...
Eerie, spooky stuff.

Yeah, that hanging disc was pretty far out! How was your game? Sorry I missed you, too.

-Pizza Guy

From: -Pizza Guy
Subject: re: mysterious object
Date: January 30, 2006 4:07:35 PM PST
To: -Long Arm


I just went over to Cooper to throw some discs and it was crawling with Sheriff's department, complete with shovels and rakes and dogs. Guess that mystery item really was a skull. Dang!!

-Pizza Guy

--

MORE ON THAT...

(note the keen forensic work)

From the North Coast Journal:
--
EUREKA SKULLDUGGERY: A person walking through the softball fields at Cooper Gulch recreational area in Eureka discovered part of a skull at 4:30 p.m. on Monday. EPD, Eureka Volunteer Patrol, a police dog and the Humboldt County Sheriff's Office divided the fields into three quadrants and combed the area searching for clues. Other bones were found, including some vertebrae, according to police. The Humboldt County Coroner's Office took possession of the remains Monday and a local anthropologist has also examined the bones. Coroner Frank Jager said Tuesday that from his preliminary examination, the skull appears to be that of a young Caucasian female, 25 to 35 years old or younger. Police recovered 75 percent of the skull, which, according to Jager, was "broken up pretty good." Jager also said that the bones appear to have been outdoors or buried in excess of one year, though they were not buried at Cooper's Gulch but placed there "by someone or something" more recently. An investigation is continuing.

AS IT TURNS OUT...

From the North Coast Journal:
--
Two plead guilty in Buhne Crypt vandalism case
Posted on Tuesday, June 06 @ 22:17:32 CDT
Topic: Vandalism
Vandalism6/6/2006
Eureka, California Eureka residents Marsha Markussen and Daniel Malin both entered guilty pleas to vandalizing a crypt and disturbing a corpse Monday afternoon. They are scheduled to be sentenced June 29.
Earlier this year, Markussen and Malin were charged with removing human remains from a place of interment and vandalizing and desecrating a tomb or gravestone.

The charges stemmed from an incident that occurred Jan. 24, when the Buhne Crypt in the cemetery in Myrtletown was vandalized.

On the weekend of Feb. 10, an informant came forward and told Eureka Police Department detectives that the skull found in Cooper Gulch Jan. 29 had been taken from the crypt.

The skull belonged to the remains of Kenneth Newett Jr., who served as Humboldt County District Attorney in 1914 and died in June of that year from complications from surgery.

At the time of his death, Newett, 49, had been married since 1910 to Sophie Buhne, one of Hans Buhne’s daughters, Jager said.

Markussen and Malin were conditioned on grants of felony probation, meaning they won’t have to go to prison at the outset. They will remain in custody until sentencing.

Welcome

This is the general discussion blog of the events of Cooper's Gulch Disc Golf Course in Eureka. Best respect.